The defamation trial of divorced actors Johnny Depp and Amber Heard has reignited discussions around “mutual abuse” — a concept questioned by domestic violence experts.
It is important to consider the power and gender dynamics at play in violent relationships, says Emily Maguire, Respect Victoria CEO.
The belief there is gender symmetry in abuse is a “scarily common myth in Australia”, according to Ms Maguire.
She cites University of Melbourne research which found motivations for the use of force by women in heterosexual relationships most commonly include self-defence, retaliation, anger, and stress.
Ms Maguire says the “mutual abuse” narrative puts an equal weighting on intent and harm, excusing abusive behaviour and placing the blame on victims.
Kate Fitz-Gibbon is the director at the Monash Gender and Family Violence Prevention Centre.
She says statistics clearly demonstrate intimate partner violence is gendered, with men overwhelmingly more likely to be perpetrators of domestic violence.
Data from the 2017 National Community Attitudes towards Violence Against Women Survey (NCAS) shows 64 per cent of Australians recognised it was mostly men who commit acts of domestic violence.
In 1995, it was 86 per cent.
Many victim-survivors don’t recognise they are in an abusive relationship, and this can be compounded when they might fight back, explains Ms Kingwell.
Ms Kingwell says perpetrators will use “cruel and manipulative” tactics like DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) to gaslight the victim and others into believing that they (the victim) are actually the abuser.
Ms Maguire says there are three main reasons women carry guilt for fighting back.
- We expect women to be more submissive and passive. Fighting back goes against how they are socialised to behave.
- Perpetrators tell them it’s their fault.
- Friends, family, and other members of the community minimise the violence they experience, or don’t believe women because “he’s such a nice guy”.
Source: Why fighting back in violent relationships is not mutual abuse – ABC Everyday